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How To Increase A Bride's Stress Level

March 25, 2013 - Liz Skoczylas
As the big day gets closer, chances are even the most laid-back bride is secretly (or possibly not-so-secretly) becoming increasingly stressed out.

If a bride you know is not showing the amount of stress you feel she should be showing, please feel free to say and ask the following:

(DISCLAIMER: This post is heavy on the sarcasm and not meant to be taken seriously in any way shape or form. Except, don't really say this stuff to a bride. For real.)

It's coming up fast!

Yes. The day is coming up fast. You actually don't need to tell me this, because, I know that I have 47 days, one hour, 33 minutes and 21 seconds until I need to be walking down the aisle. I also know that in those 47 days, one hour, 33 minutes and now 3 seconds, I have a million little things that I need to be doing, so I don't need you to remind me how fast the day is coming. But, thanks!

Are you excited?

If you ask me this, you're going to get a sarcastic answer. Excited? I'm dreading it, actually. Stuck with someone for the rest of my life?! Ugh! Seriously, I'm excited to spend the rest of my life with my best friend. I'm not excited that you're asking me this question.

Is there still going to be snow on the ground?

Seeing as how I'm not a meteorologist, I'm not really sure how to answer this. With a wedding in 47 days, one hour, 29 minutes and 47 seconds, there SHOULDN'T be snow on the ground, even for this portion of western New York. But, since you've now put my mind on the fact that there is a distinct possibility that there will be snow on the ground for my wedding, yeah, there probably will be snow on the ground. So, thank you for making me think about this! I will try not to crash my car as I drive by our reception venue every day for the next 47 days, checking the progress of snowfall or lack thereof.

How can I help? -- If you don't intend to actually follow through...

I have already established in previous blogs that I don't delegate well. I want to do everything myself, because I know that it will get done the way Nick and I want. Soooooo, if I trust you enough to delegate a task to you, and it's not done in the time frame we have agreed upon, I'm going to be stressed out. Job well done.

Can I bring a date/Why can't I bring a date?

This morning, I was watching The Today Show with my dog, as we do every morning. On The Today Show, a question came up, where a single person wanted to bring a date to a friend's wedding. The people on the show, for the most part, agreed that you should call up the friend who is getting married and request to bring a date. This is the perfect way to stress out a bride who has had a set budget since the beginning of the wedding planning process. Because, by allowing one person to bring a date, the couple would have to pay for that person's dinner, appetizers and alcohol as well. And, then, because they are letting you bring a date, they now have to let one of the groom's single friends bring a date, and, well, you just blew the bride and groom's entire budget, you monster! They wanted you to help them celebrate, and now they'll be in debt because you couldn't just hook up with one of the single groomsmen.

Seriously, though, many brides and grooms have a set number of people, and that is the absolute max. For us, the rule was that if you had an on-again, off-again relationship, you don't get a date. If you have been single for the last 10 years with no steady relationship, you don't get a date. Sorry, but as a guest, you aren't paying the costs of the wedding. If you have a problem not bringing a date, invitations have an option to respectfully decline.

Yes, this has caused a lot of stress for this particular bride. The guest list is awful.

Can I see your dress/flowers/venue/etc?

No. It's a surprise. Asking continually won't help. But, it will increase my stress level. Keep up the good work.

Oh, I know someone who got married there! They're divorced now.

Thank you for bringing the rainbows, butterflies and unicorns to our wedding! Divorce is exactly what we were looking forward to. We're aiming to make it through the honeymoon, though. It's already paid for.

I don't want to sit at so-and-so's table.

Oh, that's fine. Do you just want to sit at the head table? Honestly, between the bride, groom and their parents, they probably have a good idea of which family member is feuding with which family member. But, keeping track of everyone's special seating request is just going to add stress.

Really? Those colors don't go together! I just don't understand your theme/vision

You really don't need to tell me if you don't understand what we're doing. How about you show up and see how it's executed? Some of us are just visual people.

After you have asked these questions, your bride may continue smiling at you as she rattles off polite answers. Rest assured, if you have completed all of these, she is now a mess on the inside. She will not sleep for the next 47 days, one hour, 20 minutes and 17 seconds.

However, if you want to see her visibly break, continue asking these questions for the next 47 days. Just repeat them. Eventually the lack of sleep will kick in and you will make her snap. Mission accomplished.


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