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Releasing the 'Zilla
December 3, 2012 - Liz Skoczylas
I laughed when our friends told us to "just elope." I was excited to plan a wedding and have all of the magical experiences that come with it.
Now, I'm identifying with WE TV's "Bridezillas."
Listen, these girls are just misunderstood. Okay, the ones putting their bridesmaids on exercise plans and trying to stab their husbands-to-be are a little crazy. But, the 'zillas who are yelling at everyone under the sun MAY have some reasoning behind it.
For the first seven months of our engagement, I've tried to be nice. I've asked for opinions. I've sent multiple reminder notes, telling everyone how much I love them and can they please do xyz? My own mother has told me that I need to start being less nice and just get down to business.
Well, over the weekend, I took her advice. And, it wasn't exactly pretty. In fact, it's making me more stressed out.
I gave my bridesmaids until Nov. 3 to order their dresses. Everything was set up for them, all they had to do was call with their dress size and credit card number. Four managed to do that with no problem. Then, there was my MIA bridesmaid.
After several over-the-phone discussions last week, she assured me she did want to be in the wedding and she was ordering the dress "first thing tomorrow." Well, she was already three weeks late ordering it, holding back the order for everyone else. I explained to her that these dresses are going all over the world to be altered, because my other bridesmaids are all over the place. Nothing.
Saturday, I called the bridal shop and she STILL hadn't placed the order. So, I told the dress lady to place the order Monday, and if the MIA bridesmaid didn't call, we'd just take that as her final answer and she'd be out of the wedding. And, when I got off the phone, I cried and left the MIA bridesmaid a message explaining that it was literally her final day to order the dress, all while N held my hand like the perfect fiance he is.
Luckily, this little 'zilla move got miss MIA moving. Now, my bridesmaid dresses are ordered and I can stop stressing about that.
Then, there was a little instance over favors. Shortly after the dress shenanigans, N and I were shopping in Erie, looking for some small additions to our wedding theme, because we are having trouble finding a particular item. Well, N went to one section of the aisle and I went to another to look for it. By MY estimations, N checked his end of the aisle for approximately .0003 seconds before claiming it didn't have what we were looking for.
In my second 'zilla moment of the day, I exploded in the middle of the Target parking lot. I let him know through my sniffles that I could tell he didn't care about our wedding. He disagreed with me, and then some couple in the parking lot stared at us as we hugged and apologized to each other. In my defense, I was still stressed about the dress debacle.
Finally, things came to a head again yesterday, as we worked on... dum dum dum... The Guest List.
Honestly, convincing my bridesmaids to order their dresses was cake compared to creating a wedding guest list.
The premise behind the guest list was a supposedly simple one. My parents, who are paying for our wedding, set an absolute maximum limit of guests. We take that number and divide it by three. Then, my parents get to choose 1/3 of the guest list, N's parents get to choose 1/3 of the list and N and I get to choose the final 1/3.
This, apparently, is not as simple as it sounds, because in the end, we ended up with way more people to invite than the maximum number.
So, even with seven whole months of prep time, some parties involved in creating the guest list are STILL having trouble cutting it down. Any way you cut it, some people aren't getting invited. Some people are going to be upset. But, once again, at the risk of sounding like a 'zilla, that's the way it goes. Everyone you've ever met can't be invited to the wedding. Somewhere along the line, it has to get trimmed down.
There are other little things in the wedding process that are starting to make me crazy, too. I'm trying to be nice. I'm trying not to snap. But, when it comes to throwing a party - like a summer bash! - I'm used to doing everything on my own. I can shop for everything, clean, set everything up and not delegate a single thing. And, I know it'll get done on time and correctly, because I'm only relying on myself.
This wedding stuff is significantly harder than sending out some Facebook invites, popping jello shots in the fridge and putting out some chips and lawn furniture. Having to coordinate with other people who want to help and then do not follow through in a timely fashion is really frustrating to me. Like, there are whole patches of wedding details that are missing, because someone who isn't me didn't follow through on them. And, when I inquire about them, or offer to help with those details, it still doesn't get done.
I love my mom. With just over five months left, she's getting militant. Because I'm having trouble getting other people to follow through on things, she is setting time limits. If xyz isn't done by abc, we're taking over. No more funny business. And trust me, my mom is one woman who means business.
Luckily, even though there were some minor (okay, and major) freakouts over the weekend, N is standing by. Unlike some stories I've heard from other brides, my groom is being helpful (other than the Target debacle). He offered to call the MIA bridesmaid himself. He has offered solutions and compromises.
And, best of all, yesterday when we got back to my apartment from my mom and dad's house... he made me laugh. We had a bag of mini-marshmallows on the table, leftover from a Pinterest project. N started tossing them in the air to catch them in his mouth. I tried to do the same. We tossed them to each other. And, the dog ate more mini-marshmallows than either of us.
But, it was still a nice reminder that this wedding is about us. Not about what the bridesmaids are wearing. Not the decorations. It's not even about whether our families feel the correct people were invited. It is about the two of us, being in love and standing by each other through thick and thin - and 'zilla moments.
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